I wish I was perfect

I am sometimes disgusted by what I see. I so wish I was beautiful but I know I am far from it.I have never looked the way I have wanted to. I wish I was super model perfect. I have decent bone structure.STill not good enough . Imperfect skin, imperfect teeth. Belly that isn't perfectly flat and boylike. There is nothing I can do.My man has no problem with me. Still I want to be more attractive to him. I don't care that he isn't perfect. I just wanna be. I don't criticize others the way I criticize myself in general. I know no one is perfect, but I would like to be close.

I have relatioship stability and now I want career stability. Why do I have to have ADD. My job history is full of variety because I get bored. I am not willing to stick with a job that doesn't pay me a living wage.It happened like that. I wish I had more job stabilty in terms of my history. I need a stable fucking career I can stick with.I know employers are thinking what the fuck. I have to be real and tell them my reasons.Whether it looks good or not.I hate being a fuck up. Being an artist is hard. People are not applauded for it in general.Only a select few get to really make it.I have talent and so does my man . We waste most of our time figuring out how to live , doing jobs we don't like.Forgetting about music.Trying to find the time for music. I just wish I could find a position that allowed me to be creative and was apleasant environment.

I just wish SOMETHING word work out for once. I fgot the relationship I wanted. Now for the job. FUCK!!! Why do things have to be so hard??? I wish they could be easy. I never wanted anything to be difficult. I am not one of those lucky people who has shit handed to them. Somepeople are. Things just work out for them. They have alot of help from others.I could have been great if I had had different parents who gave ashit about my talent. Mine did not.I'll be lucky to get my driver's liscense and to just stay alive. I really want to be a success at soemthing and not have blocks in my fucking way.I amtiredof not having money.We need to get Lily.

God damn it!!

Source: http://lelani32.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-wish-i-was-perfect.html