Puns for those with a higher IQ

Just to show that there is both still intelligence and humor in this world...

• A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


• Practice safe eating - always use condiments.


• A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.


• A hangover is the wrath of grapes


• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


• Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.


• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.


• When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


• A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.


• In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.


• If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.


• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.


• Every calendar's days are numbered


• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.


• A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.


• Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.


• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.