Trapped in Two worlds- a bit of time has passed since this was written

Listening to music Alowing my to Express myself and debating on how I can proceed this Rough Draft of my Story of life and how I am Trapped!

Well the Begining would have to Start with My realtionship! I have a Beloved, whom Adores me. His name will be Matt, and this beloved of mine Happens to Give me The Best and the Worst of the realtionship world.. Is it enough to Stay you be the Judge and Let me know.. Help me Balance this challenge!

Matt has giving me the world of material, I Have the House I Dreamed of,I have the 4 Dogs and 2 ferrets who Give me Undivided attention, I have the car of my choice and gets me from A to B, I have my Own kitchen the way It should be.. a Big TV, Leather Couch’s just the perfect lil Home if your home is of materialistic items! Now the Down fall to this perfect lil House/Home, I am not alowed to Decorate, for I fail to have Matching Techique, I a not alowed to Use shoes in the house for I do not Clean it, I have many, many Rules for being the Almost Wife Title, I am not alowed to Do Much if anything, Tho My Matt wont Say your not Alowed in a verbal Sence but i Feel the Tention when I ask if I can do somthing..

There is No money for Extra things in my eyes but He assures i Need not worry about The bills.. it is being taken care of,i need not worry about cleaning it is already done, because I wouldnt have done it anyway. Dont worry I am supoosed to do, is Not Worry But when I get the Mail and Someing is LATE and I question about it, Its ok,, dont worry is all i tend to hear.. And I wonder what money is going to pay for this, we dont have the money for bills but yet he can afford to venture a walmart and spend over $100 in things we dont really need, but yet a bill is being taken care of and no money is visiable…

Matt does most the work around this house,He cleans and Yells at me for not cleaning, He feeds the dogs and i get yelled at for not feeding the dogs, he makes a Mess but I am Not alowed to make any mess for i Wont clean it up.. I dont make promises to myself no longer for the mere fact He will put me down and not alow me to Succeed in my Goal, with no help of his Voice, with no hugs and kisses from him, I feel Low to the Ground, useless and always a mess, I am lost and stuck in a cloud, of do I stay or do I go.. I have it better then I ever have. I have everything I need, I have perfection! How do I deal with The Good and remove the Bad.. do I remove the Man? Then how am i to Cope with bills and responsability? he manages it all, I wont have to Worry, If he is gone I will Panic, I panic just Thinking about it! Do I deal with the Touture of Yelling and Breaking Things for Pure Anger? I am the one who Cause the Anger to begin with, for not doing somthing he already has Done!

Expecting me to Clean a Mess already Cleaned up, Yelling at me to do somthing already Finsished.. Breaking a Glass because I told him No, I attempt to Break and All Hell Breaks Loose? How can I Fix the problem? I tryed and tryed to do what I could and Nothing Is Working! Wanting so much more then I asked for or that I have?

I want more but not of the things is he Providing, I want to be Loved and he loves me just not in a way i feel it. He loves me and takes me to dinner buys a movie and hugs me for the time. As the Night progress He fails to kiss me Goodnight before bed. At home we Sit and Rot, At home we do nothing but Fight, At home we hate the feeling we vent,, at home is the place we dont get along.. outside we strike a pose and fake it.. everything is Good and fine, Everything is Just Right.. And again on the way home the yelling starts and the fight begins..I dont know How much Longer I can Deal! I dont knwo how to Act anymore! I am Losing my Mind and somtimes I feel like my Mind is not Mine… He controls my life more like he Is My Life, Matt is the person Who I should be with for every, He looks after me and looks out for me, tells me when i am Wrong and lets me know when I need to Do somthing! He pays the bills and Makes things work, he fixes the house up for our liking.. He just dont know how to Work a realtionship..

So am Asking your What can/should I Do with the Worlds I am Stuck in.. So I change my self and Venture out with no Safety Net of comfort.. Or do I dwell in the world os him and alow myself to just Sink in and just Be? I dont know what i am Going to do or when I am going to make the transaction to the Next Step.Source: http://reading-audi.blogspot.com/2010/08/trapped-in-two-worlds-bit-of-time-has.html