Things NOT to say to a Military Spouse

I found this blog through one of my random Google-ing escapades. It is from an Army spouse (; however, it holds true across all military branches. Just some things to keep in mind while talking to your military friends. And, if you are looking for some kind words to say, a simple "thank you" will do the trick :)

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been
dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf?

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Hyundai Excel with a Mercedes convertible.)

9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

13. "Well in my opinion….."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

Last, but not least….

14. "OH, that's horrible…I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our MARINES/soldiers/airmen/coasties/sailors fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

Source: http://cammiesandstilettos.blogspot.com/2010/08/things-not-to-say-to-military-spouse.html

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Internet Dating Tips and Advice

An online internet dating site is (in my opinion) the easiest way to find a partner in today's world. With the ever-increasing technology aids, not only can you correspond with someone, but also see them in real-time. It used to be that an internet dating site was a taboo and people just didn't trust it or the quality of people they might meet. But even so, you run the same risks as if you were to actually meet the person face-to-face. What is the difference? Well, you can't smell a person through an internet dating site!

This article was written to give free dating tips and dating advice to those who are unfamiliar to internet dating. Or maybe you've had a couple bad experiences and are wondering why you are running into "duds". My dating advice is not aimed particularly at either men or women, but looks at both sides. I am not a psychologist or therapists and all dating advice and tips are my personal thoughts found through my internet dating experiences.

So why choose online dating services rather than conventional dating? I'll list a few benefits:

Millions of people from around the world sign up for internet dating services everyday. Also there are thousands of dating sites coming online everyday. So not only can you find a person to match your needs but also a dating service built around your specific need.
You're in the US, you can meet someone from Australia Find someone in a different state that you would enjoy visiting. There are Asian dating, Jewish dating, Christian dating, adult dating, senior dating, hiking dating, dog walking dating sites and the list goes on.
Your search criteria can be more detailed, less compromising later.
What hobbies are they into? What are their turn-offs? What are their interests
People tend to be more honest through correspondence. You know the true person quicker. You can still have an online date even if you're sick. It's safe because you're not in the same physical environment, at least initially.
You don't need to meet the person until you are totally comfortable. Never meet anybody unless you are 99% comfortable. The first date or 2nd, 3rd, and 4th should be out in public. Let someone know where you are going. Ladies, I highly recommend you bring a friend or double-date! Do not allow the person to pick you up. Provide your own transportation Bring defense items - pepper spray, whistle, gps tracking device. Be careful of bringing weapons that can harm you - knife, gun, clubs...etc
Ladies, even if the date is going well and it's the 1st date, DO NOT be persuaded to get into a car alone with him. If he is a predator, he'll get agitated and possibly upset. If this happens, then CONGRATULATIONS you may just SAVED YOUR LIFE and walk away now! A real gentleman will understand your fear and rather spend time with you than miss a party, concert or whatever. Just be sure to let him know prior to the date that you will not leave the initial meeting place with him unless your friend can come along.

Those are just a few reasons and each person will benefit differently based on their character and personality. The precautions would also relate to conventional dating practices and not just internet dates.

So what are some of the drawbacks of internet dating?

Do they smell? Are they really writing or just cut-and-pasting? Cameras and lighting can be manipulated to hide certain features (flaws). The photos in the ads maybe professionally done or retouched and not be a true reflection of the person

As with the benefits, there are other downsides to internet dating that aren't listed and will vary from person to person.

So who is the best internet dating service? That's a hard question to answer because there are so many variables and there is no one best service. I say the best dating site is the one you find what you are looking for on. Luckily, most are free to join, although you will get limited functionality and features of the program. But at least you can get an idea of the types or kinds of people who have joined that particular internet dating service. There are more and more online dating services that are specific to certain groups like - people who are in the service, Christian dating, pet lovers dating, and so on. The major dating sites will have these people as well, you'll just need to sift through the members to find out if someone shares your passions or hobbies. What it boils down to is that the more people to select from, the better your chances of finding a match.

So, does internet dating really work? Yes! It did for me. I live in the US and met my wife who lived in China. We corresponded for 6 months, sent pictures to each other, and finally met when her company came to the US on a business trip. We hit it off and for the next year, she came down to visit and a couple months later I went to China to visit her and meet her parents and family. Keep in mind that it could be expensive to go this route because of airfare and those sort of things. Lastly she had another business trip scheduled and we got married during that trip.

Marrying someone from another country is not as easy at it seems. There's visa and passport issues, US Immigration forms and regulations, and much more. Most big internet dating sites will have a section to help with immigration issues. Things went fairly smoothly for us and we now have a beautiful 7 month old son.

Internet dating doesn't have to be about marriage and it will definitely differ for everyone. Maybe you just want someone to hang out with on the weekends and go to dog shows or a social outing or you want to go white water rafting but your friends aren't interested. Many people just want to make friends and not really label it as dating, but rather companionship and someone to talk to.

Other people may just want a companion because they are going on a trip to another area and would like a friend or someone to show them around at that destination.

What it boils down to is - What are your needs and wants?

Some free dating tips and dating advice I can offer based on my experience that helped me find the love of my life and also general tips are listed below.

Be honest when you communicate Speak from the heart, don't try to be someone you're not Sign-up for more than one online dating site
Choose a general "big name" site. Search Google or Yahoo by typing "dating dogs" or "dating armed forces" or "dating Christian"...etc
Only pay for the sites that you feel there are more than 5 profiles that match what you are looking for, remember most are free to sign up, but you will have limited capability.
Stay away from free online dating sites, you get what you pay for. The more serious a person is, the higher amount of money they will pay to find quality people. That means if someone on a particular dating site has the highest level membership (Gold Member) then they are serious about finding someone. 2nd to the highest level (silver) may be those who are serious but don't have a lot of money to spend. Anything less are in my opinion "gamers" and just passing time. HOWEVER! In countries or areas that are poor and under developed, they simply can't afford to pay the membership fee. They are probably using a computer at school, a library, or a friends, so you'll need to be extra patient.
Stay away from ads that don't have pictures or at least make sure they will send you a picture. Some people don't want to be seen in fear of their friends colleagues or family seeing them on the internet. That's perfectly understandable, just make sure you get REAL pictures once getting to know the person.
Send and receive many pictures, insist on casual setting pictures and not professional retouched photos
Be patient, if they live in another time zone it can be difficult to call
If they live in another country, get a calling card or use a webcam and microphone. Since my wife didn't have a webcam, my phone bill averaged $1200 a month and I didn't know about calling cards. Call your phone company and get a plan with better international rates. There's more options today like VOIP (voice over IP) pc2phone that's a lot cheaper and the sound quality is much better now also.

Ladies, when you do meet, make sure it's with one or more of your friends even for the first few dates. Safety first and if the guy can't understand that, then that's a RED flag! Ladies, purchase some books on pick-up lines, how to seduce a woman, and those sort of things. If your correspondence contains many of what you find in a book, then the person may not be sincere. If you're tired of finding losers, this is your wake-up call to find out why.
Men, buy books on how to treat a lady. Buy books on how to seduce a woman, but only use it after you know they want to be seduced by you (later in the relationship).
Be Honest! - If you're serious and want a life-long mate
Be upfront, put EVERYTHING on the table. Too many unexpected surprises will kill the relationship. Don't try to be what you think the other person wants. You can't put on a show forever. Get a webcam so you can see and hear the real person. Sometimes you get a glimpse of their room. Is it messy? Are there naked people hung up on the wall? It can also be a lot of fun once you are closer and can be more intimate. BE CAREFUL! What you do on camera can be recorded and exposed if things don't work out.
Make a list of things you absolutely do not like or won't compromise on. For example, you dislike it when your partner drinks too much, does drugs or things like that. Don't ask these questions straight out, but have them elaborate when they had a night out with the guys/girls. Just keep a mental note to yourself. Make a list of the key things you like that make you feel adored and desired.
You like feeling pampered by getting breakfast in bed You like it when doors are opened for you You like it when girls pamper you You like it when girls make you feel special How does the other person perceive what making someone feel special is.
What is your definition of joy and happiness?
Be Honest! I know I keep saying that, but it's the most important thing! If you've been burned once too many times, do a background check on the person. You can find out if they have been married, divorced, in jail, law suits against them, and things of that nature. It costs a little money, but can save you years of heartache and disappointment. Some people may feel this is an invasion of privacy or a sign of not trusting the other person. I say it's a matter of feeling secure and if the other person can't understand that, then they are hiding something or don't care about how insecure you may be feeling. Another RED flag! Online dating has evolved to where it's common place to check on people.
Have fun on your date but pay attention to
Do they open doors for you Do they talk negatively about too many things. Are their eyes busy wandering rather than focusing on you? Are there too many lines or quotes from the dating books?
You may want to keep a score card or write down notes immediately after the date. Just make sure you destroy them all when you are exclusively seeing that person. Nobody wants to know they are being compared, but it's a good way to make sure the person has all the qualities that are truly important to you. To be on the safe side, never ever write down anything relating to sex. Technique can be learned if the person is willing to satisfy you. Talk about it, if they aren't interested in what turns you on, that's another RED flag. Lets face it, sex is an important part of a relationship. For some it isn't but for the majority, it is. It's also a two-way street. In order to get, you must give and if you give, you should get. It's that simple. Is this person someone you want your family and friends to meet? And for the last time - BE HONEST!

I hope this article has helped and you feel more secure about online dating. I endorse it 100% and am not afraid to admit that I met my wife on through an internet dating site. It makes me feel good that out of the 200 or so other people that responded to her ad... she picked me :) I firmly believe that internet dating is the most efficient way to start a relationship and meet people.

I wish you the best of luck on searching for that perfect person.

Warmest Regards,

Russ

PS. My wife isn't perfect, but neither am I. It's part of the equation in keeping the relationship interesting.

PPS. BE HONEST!!! Have a Great Day...

Did you know it takes more than 3 months for the average person to find someone on the internet? Can you afford to wait that long? A great internet dating site can cut that time in half! Find out how you can find quality people who meet your standards so much quicker.

I am a network manager (computer related) and a living testimonial to internet dating.

Russ http://www.helpmehowto.com/internetdating.html

Source: http://datinglistblog.blogspot.com/2010/08/internet-dating-tips-and-advice.html

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