97...98...99...

I'm a chatty kinda person.  I come from a long line of chatty people.  Most on my Dad's side.  Talkers.  I guess its a good quality if you're going to be a therapist when you grow up.  So that's what makes this really a challenge.   To step out and post something that causes me anxiety.

You'd think that over the past two years with FunnyShrinkGuy I'd be somewhat comfortable talking about things that make me uncomfortable.  And I'm pretty much okay with all subjects, but .....  this one is tough.  Scary. I'm going to take a deep breath.  Close my eyes, jump off the cliff and know I won't go SMACK at the bottom.  Usually the anticipation is much scarier than just saying it.  

Here goes:  I'm a member of the 100 Pounds Lost Club. 

There.  I said it.

Remember a couple of posts back when I said I was stupid and didn't stay hydrated?  I got a raging infection and had to go to the doctor.  In the past, I'd always tell the nurse I didn't want to know how much I weighted.  They all were polite, they'd move the medal weigh thingy, record my weight, then move the medal weigh thingy back to -0-  and say "okay" when I could open my eyes.  Pretty sad, huh?  Protecting SweetBigGirl was my job and I did it well.  None of me wanted to know what I weighed.

So this time, I get on the scales and forgot to tell the nurse my protocol.  Took off my shoes, stepped up, closed my eyes, and she said "###".    I said "huh?"  She repeated what the scale said.  I said, 'no way'.  She didn't hear me, she was moving on to the exam room.  I stared at the medal weigh thingy.  No way.  Did she just tell me I've lost 101 lbs? I kept staring. 

I got in the exam room.  Nurse Betty asking the regular questions.  Me?  In a fog.  I'd stepped into the Twilight Zone.  I kept repeating over and over in my head.  I've lost 101 pounds.  I don't remember much from that point.  Except breaking down sobbing in the car.

I've lost One Hundred and One Pounds.  My upsetness has nothing to do with loosing the weight.  The fact that I've somehow been pulled out of Hell is what it has to do with.  The core of the NewGirlSelf is that I'm choosing to love myself better.  And that translates into making Her a priority.  That she's worthy of being healthy.  That she can make choices of not binging in the soda's and pizza.  That She's come to a place where its not okay to beat herself up...to pick up where ExJerk left off.

I'm adjusting to the fact that I've lost almost a whole person.  Its like my marathon training...don't think about it, just do it. 

So, there ya have it, friends.  My good news for the week.  If I'm like this for a hundred pound loss, I can't imagine how I'll do when I reach goal weight.   Stay tuned...