Mute Thanks and Secret Ecstasy

Harry sits iscariotously at the end of enormous banquet table in his Siege Perilous. To his left, a mound of string cheese, to his right, a quickly mounting pile of wrappers. Unlike the famous traitor, no prophecy guides his self-destruction. Like the famous traitor, he is Jew.

HARRY, peeling open a new string cheese and reading its wrapper: Goddamnit!

Brian enters.

BRIAN: What's wrong, dude?

HARRY: These fucking string cheese riddles. Here, read this one-

BRIAN: "What has four eyes and can't see?" Hmm. I dunno, a cave spider?

HARRY: It's Mississippi. Fucking Mississippi.

BRIAN: I can see why you're upset. That's pretty misleading, writing it as E-Y-E in the question when the answer refers to the letter.

HARRY: Huh? The fuck are you talking about? I'm just mad at the worthless clues. Like here, look at this one-

BRIAN: "What smells the most in the kitchen?" This one has to be playing off the dual meanings of smell. A nose? But why would the amount of smelling done by a nose be dependent on it being in a kitchen? Well let's see.

Brian flips the wrapper.

BRIAN: Oh. It is "a nose."

HARRY: See dude, the fuck am I supposed to do with all these clues? Mississippi, a nose, a mushroom: together they don't make any sense, they don't make any fucking sense!

BRIAN: I don't think they go together, Hazard. Each one's just its own little game, y'know, for kids?

HARRY: Bullshit, it's not for kids! If they're for kids, then why are they on the packaging of string cheese?

BRIAN: ...

HARRY: Which everyone knows is only for big boys?

BRIAN: ...

HARRY: Which is why my mom wouldn't let me eat it?

BRIAN: Um...

HARRY: It's not for fucking kids!

BRIAN: If this is actually about the clues and not the string cheese, just say, "it's about the clues."

HARRY: Not for kids! Not for kids!

BRIAN: Ah.

HARRY, sobbing: Not for kiiiids! Only biiiiiig boys!

Harry rises, dropping his pants to expose his wretched G's, and begins to flounce daintily about the room. He smiles, but the dance is cruel and his weepskis are mighty.

HARRY: Is this big enough?! IS IT?

BRIAN: "I believe in nothing. I am looking for clues."

HARRY: IS IT?!

Source: http://hellaplays.blogspot.com/2010/07/mute-thanks-and-secret-ecstasy.html