Loner!!!!

It’s amazing how the wrong set of words, at the wrong time can completely turn your whole mind set around. Today I let one person make me feel like I was an idiot. I felt like an idiot because I didn’t fit in his box or should I say a box. This most likely is because no one ever let me in the box as a child. You name it I was teased, chased and laughed at for it, “Daniel wears  cowboy boots to school, he screams like a girl, he is light skinned, he is to fat, he is to skinny, he has big feet, his brother is gay, he is gay and the list goes on and on”. I think all I’ve ever known is unkind words sometimes. It makes all nice things seem so small sometimes and other times so big.

Sometimes I just want to give up, I’ve tried for many years to be what other people wanted me to be, I’m just not a fit in kind of person. I’ve never felt like I have belonged to anything well maybe with like two of my exes. It’s always been me, myself and I....oh and possibly a guy. Well, I was always kind of close to my family but there was this divide, this line between us like with all people in my life. They were a little bit too Christian for me and I was more in to drugs, sex and r&b.

When I did have a lot of friends, I always made friends with people who didn’t mind the option of space. My friends were a bad asses, low life’s and/or rejects; people who marched to the beat of their own drum. I think we all found pleasure in each other because we didn’t pressure each other; we could just be ourselves. So we owned our individuality. Some of us for the better and some of us for the worst.

Once you’ve accepted your self to be out of the norm. Once you’ve let people put you in the box of being reckless, loose, wild,etc. It hard for people to understand you and for you to understand other people. In most cases, you find out you have to fit in to survive.

When it comes to me, I’ve always wanted to fit in but I guess once you learn to do what you like it’s hard to start doing what we like. It’s hard to take responsibility when you’ve never had to be. It’s hard to stand among the people equal and demand the same respects. When your always a single, it’s pretty hard to mingle.

Source: http://laissezfaireusa.blogspot.com/2010/08/loner.html