The Good in Life...

For the record, THESE are so good...

Pinkstar's homemade cornflakes cookies!

She gave me a taste of the ones she made one weekend. The cookies reminds me of the ones Subway sold in Perth. I miss yummy cookies!! Thanks babe.

Okay, back to the situation at hand. It's Tuesday, 24th August 2010. The trip to Lumut to see darling MAKBED and her family has passed with flying colours! Unfortunately, Cikinot couldn't join us at the last minute because of the flu. So it was just Alphatin, Jasper and I on the trip.

I'm not really up to writing much coz I have a migraine now. So I'll let the photos do most of the 'talking'...

Pengkalan Tentera Laut DiRaja Malaysia Lumut

Introducing Auni Alwani a.k.a. Oni-Chan!!

THE FOOD!

Makbed

Alphatin and her Iced Lemon Tea

The celebratory cake - Chocolate Indulgence...

The celebratory CUPcakes. :D

Makbed, Oni-Chan & Inchi Kichi

My Twi-Hearts <3

Makbed is feeling nostalgic by the light pole. Muahahaha!

Going home... can you see we were half-hearted?

But after that we got lost and that's a whole different story altogether. :P

<3 Alice Alphatin & Jasper Khalis <3

Source: http://zeninmyapplesauce.blogspot.com/2010/08/good-in-life.html

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Losing Myself....

The title of this blog pretty much says it all. I feel as though my life has left me, I miss what used to be my life. I felt like it had some meaning. Now I'm just going through the motions, trying to fight the good fight and losing terribly. I feel alone and abandoned by the world, disconnected from even the most basic of feelings other than sorrow, despair, hurt, and pain. I am thankful for the couple of friends I have or else I don't know what I would do. It is that little thread that is keeping me tied to this world. As you can tell by this post my depression is winning the war. At some point I am going to lose my ability to do the most basic things because right now I am fighting just to get up out of bed. Of course I'm not sleeping much at all which I'm sure isn't helping right now. 

  Dr. H has talked to me about my guilt, he said the guilt is masking things and I know what it is masking. Hurt, pain, and anger...rage even. This sucks more than anything, I hate these feelings. Before I got better for awhile (a few years ago) I was feeling a lot of anger. I mean every single day I was angry and/or depressed. Then by some miracle I snapped out of it and became a different person for a few years...not enough years because now I am back to that hopeless person again. I hate it so much. I don't want to feel this way but I know I have to stop masking it and deal with it. But it is so very hard. All I want to do is die right now. I am tired both physically and emotionally. I've lost the connection with pretty much everyone I know. Both physically and emotionally. No one knows me anymore. I feel as though I would not be missed by more than a handful of the people I know. Four of those are my kids. I feel useless and I feel like no matter what I say or do it isn't right. 

  Of course it doesn't help that every time I read posts on the internet regarding news stories or even some Facebook postings it makes me feel like the world is made up of hate more than love. Why in the hell would I want to stick around for this? I can't bear this. I know I am not the only person who feels this way, don't get me wrong. It appears to be a pity party and sometimes I want to slap my own face....sometimes I do. This doesn't negate what I am feeling. I am depressed, I am tired, and I feel like I'm already dead inside. It sucks to feel this way. I feel as though I am getting worse instead of better so I have to remind myself that my doctor told me that this would happen. But ya know what, even though I know that it doesn't stop me from feeling totally and utterly alone. Where the hell are the voices in my head??? It's all quiet in there and that may be good...maybe it's the eye of the storm which would mean this is half over, right? Get through the other half and then I'm home free? I sure hope so because if I fall much further I don't know if I will be able to get out.

Here is some song lyrics with the song posted right after that REALLY embody so much of how I'm feeling. Sorry the video isn't really a video but an album cover but the song is good. I like it, even if it is depressing. For anyone who may actually read this, writing helps me even if it is negative like this. I'm sorry for being such a downer but it is part of the journey that I promised you with this blog. You are going to get the bad with the good.

Losing time
counting hours
I'll never see myself again
And even though I'm alone
I can't remember what I'm missing
So I leave it be

Closing down
I expect the hopelessness
And even though I'm alone
I can't remember what I'm missing
and that's all I need

I am lost
I feel I am sinking now
like I was made of rain

Like a wave I roll into the endless night

I am not afraid
as the darkness starts
to make its way
I breathe as hard as you
as I end my day
I sigh and shelter
as I try to sink that deep
as deepas you and make sure
that I won't fall asleep

Losing days
I need no hours
I'll never be myself again
And even though it's killing me
I can't remember what I'm missing
So I leave it be

Source: http://myptsdlife.blogspot.com/2010/08/losing-myself.html

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The Many and Unvaried Faces of Nathans

We took these pictures almost two months ago, on the afternoon when Anneliese started sitting up for the first time.  Nathan and Another Nathan have this thing they like to do (which I'm very sure is at least partly just to drive me nuts) where they pile/stack/arrange a whole bunch of cars, then crash/drop/push them to the floor while shrieking and taking glee in the racket it causes.

'Round these parts, there's a fine line between dropping and throwing, and please believe me when I tell you that these two love to toe. that. line. 

So anyway, I've been sitting on these pictures for a while, but every time I'm flipping through our photo folders (no of course I do  not use my precious naptime away from my children to look at... pictures of my children.  Ahem), they make me laugh. 

Because they are making the same faces as each other... in every single one.* 

The Look of Contemplation: hmmm, there are the cars.  Should we do it?

The Gleeful Anticipation: if we get away with this, it's gonna be soooo awesome!

The Sidelong Glance at Me: this isn't going to get us in too much trouble, is it?

The About-to-Get-Away-With-It Grin: yay, here comes the big crash!

I'm not sure if one of them is mirroring the other's expressions, or if they're just working through the same thoughts and those thoughts are manifesting in similar ways on their faces. Either way, it cracks me up.

We love you, Another Nathan, and your awesome friendship and incredible helpfulness with our kids has definitely earned you the right to sometimes push the rule limits.  :)
 
*There was also a shot where they both looked sort of drunk and confused, which I promised would not show up on the internet.  You're welcome, Nathan(s). 

Source: http://mgoetts.blogspot.com/2010/08/many-and-unvaried-faces-of-nathans.html

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Kyungsung University Summer Cultural Exchange Programme: In My Perspective (Part 2)

July 24th 2010 (Saturday)

Only one day and it felt like one week already. Probably is due to the crazy long one I had the previous day. I remember missing Malaysia madly already, the people and the food I mean. But am still looking forward to life in Busan. Programme hasn't even started and we were already so busy mad. Skipped breakfast since we were so freaking exhausted.

Lunch:

Going for a trip to Yongusan temple... Dhinesh's idea. He has this big thing for religious places. Hmmmm.

The exchange students from China and Taiwan reached in the night and joined us that day.

First subway ride, (after coming back from Korea, I really felt our LRT is crazy slow. Shrugs.) Plus the whole length of the subway train in Korea is awesome. And they really take the seats reserved for the weak, old, handicapped and pregnant women seriously, even if the whole train is crowded, the seats will still be left empty. *mumbles* unlike Malaysia =,= Well, not to say I am not grateful towards my own country, extending the LRT cabins is a good approach, but the mentality of the people is an issue.

Stopped at forgot what station and walked a distance to a bus stop. Camwhored around. And did you know, their bus stops have this display board which tells you how long it takes for the next bus to arrive. Plus, even for a 15 minutes wait, they were complaining that the bus is taking too long. Haha. I didn't dare to tell them in Malaysia, we could have waited for 30 minutes to one hour and be thankful that the bus actually came.

Oh. And the kids around here are surprisingly cuteeeeee! And quite well-behaved. The ones in my park seriously... Shrugs. I have no idea how rude they were until I visited Busan. But, one creepy thing here in Busan, once these kids caught sight of you, they just stare... and stare... and stare... and stare...

Reached Yongusan Temple shortly after.

I know la. Many commented about how my arm looked muscular. It is not. It's fats. Now let me live in peace, I know I have fatty arms. Oh, by the way, picture with my zodiac!

Malaysians in Yongusan Temple!

Guan Yin (something) Di... My Chinese sucks d T_T

Anyway, check out the scenery:

Pretty, no?

And what we always say there, "Take a picture! Take a picture!" Just that it's not only a picture, we ended taking plenty.

This is a nice shot though...

This leads us to a small underground stream where the water is all clearly filtered naturally. And it tasted sweet as well. No idea if it's safe but whatever la, if something happened, it probably happened long time ago d. I'm sure Tee Seong wouldn't want to try it, that health freak. Haha.

Meet Run! Super runner and rock climber. Glad I met someone who shares the same interests as me. Just that this one is at a more professional level. Haha. And no, he's not in the programme, just saje-saje tagged along for fun since it's the weekends.

Ooooo. I am talllll xD

More scenery

Guan Yin statue

Resting la weather getting hotter like in Malaysia

Started to get adapted to the weather there, it was probably as hot as Malaysia already. Sometimes hotter on certain days later during the programme. But, still it's very constant, as in, it doesn't suddenly decide to pee unexpectedly =,=

Oh. Not forgetting a group picture:

I kinda like my camera there. It just happened to take very very nice shots, despite being just a digital camera. It doesn't do its wonders that much here in Malaysia, perhaps it's the weather =,=

Su, our very noisy friend. I love her though. Haha.

Found this awesome snacks, some sort of dough with red beans thingymajig, Sungki, or rather we called him Peter (Dhinesh's roommate) bought some to treat us. Nice dude la he. And you will be hearing a lot from me throughout my entries of my stay in Busan from this entry till the last one about how nice Peter is. He is like seriously one awesome dude, with a nice body haha. No, I ain't joking, he does has a good 6 packs.

Awesome snacks, some of the Koreans said it was their first time trying these too. Hahaha. It's like us, who actually tried all of our local delicacies anyway until we were to bring our foreign friends around. It's like I never been to Central Market until the day I was assigned to bring some of the Korean students there. Hahaha. Yes, I'm dead serious. And no, I am not blogging about that trip because I am lazy and it was seriously way too overdue.
Oh. The aunty gave us free coffee too. Just because we are tourists!
SEE??? HOW NICE THE PEOPLE HERE ARE! WE GET RANDOM FREE STUFFS EVERY OTHER DAY!

Had iced noodle for dinner. I took loads of pictures of it, but I think I accidentally deleted them. Shrugs. Anyway, the iced noodle was killer awesome, I could even remember it even I have no photos to remind me of it because it was that good! I wanted some more of it =( But the last iced noodle I had in Seoul really killed my memory of iced noodle T_T

Went to get some traditional ice cream after dinner, was given free cans of green tea. Yes, due to the fact that there's tourists in the group (I probably ain't considered as one of the tourists, seeing that I kept being mistaken as one of the Koreans =,=). Proceeded in playing some games which end up punishing people by hitting the losing ones on their wrists with your two fingers, Korean style they say. And I have been seeing that a lot in Korean dramas, just that I don't know how painful it will get.

Believe me. It is really painful. And I suck at aiming, hit Kisong, or rather we call him Bruce Lee, with my fist instead of my fingers. Whooops, sorryyyyy. Kkkkk (OMG! I'm using too much "kkkkk" while chatting with them already! Apparently, it's "lol" in their language. Haha. I usually use it as okokokokok, but need to use them carefully now with whoever I am chatting with so to not give out wrong messages).

Tsk tsk. Look at that evil face of Bruce Lee.

Back to the dormitory from a day at Yongusan Temple and stomach filled with iced noodle (aka naengmyeon... I think?) and traditional red bean ice cream, tasted very similarly to our ice kacang.

Went back for a quick shower and was invited to join the Koreans and Japan exchange students for a drinking session. Well, free alcohol, wouldn't missed it. And I don't mind paying for it actually, the alcohol there is so much cheaper! Crazy people all, soju + beer ain't exactly a good combination. I'm okay with beer, but the soju is some strong stuff. My roommate, Inhye's face was crazy red after her first few glasses. We kept asking them to stop refilling our snacks portion, cuz as people from a food-loving country, we kept stuffing ourselves with the snacks until the our plates were left empty while the others' were still untouched. Paiseh.

They started to play games, stupid fun and they asked us to share whatever games we play in Malaysia during drinking session. I stoned, haha. But, Oga and I stared at each other and came up with a game on the spot, adding game rules to whatever the other left off and taa-daa, some alienated game was created. Man, Malaysians are awesome. Haha. And apparently, those people present actually like it! I am amazed. They kept calling it the Malaysia game, but I felt bad, so I told my roommate, Inhye the truth so that they stop thinking it's something we play in Malaysia. Imagine them suddenly go berserk in a bar during a visit to Malaysia, wanting to play that =X And it'd be our fault.

Drank passed whatever I have drank before and was still sane. Tummy didn't felt good though.

July 25th 2010 (Sunday)

People always said that I am slow, but now my reaction towards alcohol ALSO slow. Been vomiting my morning away and slept past breakfast, head was dizzy from yesterday's drinking session. And for some unknown reasons, my stomach felt bloated after vomiting. Shrugs. Bahhhhh. Really felt like dying. I don't want to drink so much anymore. Torture sial. No more soju for me. Carroll said I am super gutsy to actually took the original soju, to think I drank damn a lot of it summore =,="

Rested enough and off for lunch before going to Shinsegae Department Store, the biggest department store IN THE WORLD. The Japanese and Spanish exchange students arrived the day before, so basically most of the participants for this programme have arrived so far. Except for a few more Japanese students, I think? And the students from Kazakhstan.

Came across this parking entrance where there is this lady, dressed in security vest and miniskirt and boots. What the heck. Parking attendants also dressed so sexy wan ah? And she kept doing the same hand signals, her legs doing some skipping movement. Damn cute lor. Oga said perhaps it's some publicity/ marketing tactics to keep people going to the said department stores. But, sanely speaking, who would go to a department store just to go past a cutely-dressed parking attendant?

Okay. Maybe some would. You wouldn't know. I don't know too, I don't know how the guys' minds work anyway.

Bibimbap for lunch! Awesome stuff I tell you! I miss it too! Oh my gawd la, I want to have Korean food again. Missing it is making me so miserable... =(

Slurrrrp!

Headed over to Shinsegae Department Store after having our tummies filled. I remember me being extremely bloated, haha.

Most of them wanted to go for ice skating, but Kuala Lumpur has its own rink in Sunway Pyramid, at a cheaper range summore. So, Dhinesh, Oga and I didn't want to join them. Went to do some shopping, or rather, window shopping around the mall. I have to say the arrangement of the boutiques and all are quite different than Malaysia's own Midvalley or 1Utama or Berjaya Times Square or whatever. Did you noticed that these malls in Malaysia are somehow rather big and confusing but only have a few floors? If the malls in Malaysia require so much walking and traveling around, why are there more overweight people if compared to Korea? =,=" Since, they say going around these malls are us KL-nites' favourite past time anyway. Well, at least according to my last semester's lecturer la.

Found some awesome-tasting seaweeds! I was never a huge fan of seaweed, but this tasted goooood! Well, that was then. Towards the middle of the programme, I found another one which tasted even better! Damn. I'm hungry now T_T

Oh. And Dhinesh and I found out that the Baskin Robbins here cost lesser than in Malaysia! Glee!! Time for indulgence!

Chocolate chip cookie dough and of course, my regular favourite: Pistachio Almond. Dhinesh and Oga said it tasted weird and I have strange taste buds. Shrugs. I still have no idea why so many people don't appreciate this flavour! It is soooooooooo awesome, okay! Om nom nom!

Waited around for the rest to finish their ice-skating session while busy nomming off my ice cream. Headed to the highest floor of the building to the SkyPark of Shinsegae Department Store. Niceeee.

Feels like you are completely outside of the building. But, you ain't.

Sunlight was pouring, blardy hot weather. But, hey, it makes good lighting for some photos taking!

Awesome view from above:

Many good scenery shots la this trip.

Well, honestly speaking, Felix was right. There ain't much there at Shinsegae. And clothes in Korea has seriously small sizes, how to shop? Okay, fine, I'm just big =,=

Returned to the dormitory for presentation practice. The remaining participants arrived that day. Full attendance now. Everything went well during the practice. Was a brisk.

Han gug sa ram ANEEYO!

And we didn't know we will be good friends in the near future then...

Went out of the university grounds after the practice on our own. Malaysians on the loose in Busan. Haha. Felt so free for the first time, probably due to them kept sticking to us all the time made us felt so pressured and suffocated. Oh well, they learned to let go after awhile, which made things so much more easier and bonding got easier when they treat us as friends rather than tourists/ kids whom they have to look after 24/7.

I remember that night when we returned back to the dormitory, our roommates came and approach us and thought that we Malaysians didn't like them. Gah. How we hate communication breakdowns. Dhinesh's roommate wasn't one of them la though, I think it's how guys are less bothered about these. Haha. Interesting creatures. Oh well, I am glad they did approached us anyhow, it strengthened my relationship with Inhye anyway cuz that night was when I actually took time and effort to talk about whatever with her. And of all things, we talked about politics =,=

Well, better than nothing.

And by the way, this day marked the moment where I was at my lowest point of self-esteem. Being in Korea made me felt super ugly and fat. The people around there and on the streets are literally good looking. I don't know whether the looks are fake or real, but they are just damn gorgeous! Not a good place for one to boost self confidence if you are weak to begin with. Sigh. I know I should not fall into this sort of pressure and I am ashamed that I actually did... even if it was for awhile. But at least, I managed to climbed out of it shortly after this day. So yea.

Shall continue with part 3 soon. And yes, I AM going to blog about every other day of my stay in Korea! x)

Source: http://khai-sim.blogspot.com/2010/08/kyungsung-university-summer-cultural_17.html

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