NEWS FROM WORLD: New for the week of August 17th, 2010

There are alot of ads this week. That means that I was in a good mood when I was reading it. That also means the jokes will be lame. Life sucks, get over it. So let's dispense with the witty intro and get right to the funny. You don't read the intro anyway.

New for this week:

WANTED: Personal Trainer.
For details please call xxx-xxx-
xxxx

white-girl-workout.com

WANTED: Free coffee table.
Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

/shrug

I thought it was funny.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

1950 WILLY JEEP Truck,
complete, old man owned,
doesn't run, $1500. Extra
Parts Truck w/Bed if needed.
Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

Need I comment?

1987 TOYOTA TRUCK 4x4,
doesn't run, 4 yrs. old, $1000.
Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

A.) I could do the math myself.
B.) Apparently I should since you flunked remedial math for kindergartners.

Same guy.

1970 INT'L SCOUT, rough,
running good when parked,
$1000. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

It runs great as long as it's not doing what you want a vehicle to do.

Same guy.

Apparently he collects old work vehicles and breaks them.

DELL WINDOWS XP Com-
puter & printer, flat screen
17" monitor, $225. Call xxx-
xxx-xxxx

/sigh

He's probably selling it because its internet is full.

2006 KAWASAKI KLR 650
Trial Bike, lime green, exc.
cond., adult aimed, low mi.,
$3600. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

Yes, I read it twice, too. Yes, I tilted my head like a dog, too.

How does one aim a trial bike? Whom do you aim it at? Guess I'll call my lawyer.

2000 STARCRAFT Camper,
sleeps 8, like new, $5000. Call
xxx-xxx-xxxx

Pffft. Starcraft 2 is already out. No reason to keep camping it.

WANTED: Eucalyptus cut-
tings, will trim trees or re-
move it. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

For?

Enlighten me in the comments. Tell me how stupid I am.

I dare ya.

(2) OCCASIONAL CHAIRS,
light pink basket weave fab-
ric, very good cond., $125
for both. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

What are they the rest of the time?

1984 REUKEN SKI Boat & &
Trailer, 18', 4 cyl. inboard mtr.,
Bimini top, ready for water
$2200 or trade for car, truck,
camper, 4-wheeler, fish boat,
golf cart or motorcycle. Call
xxx-xxx-xxxx

Mommy said he can't have any new toys until he got rid of an old one.

NEEDED: someone to re-
place Head Gasket on 2001
Montana. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

This is the gasket you aren't supposed to blow.

(20 SETS of twin beds, mat-
ress w/rails, $150 or best
offer. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx

It's called a vasectomy.

Look into it.

BLESSING TROMBONE with
hardcase, used $500. Call
xxx-xxx-xxxx

"Ouch. Thank you, Father"

SALE BY OWNER: House in
TOWN, 37K mi., 3 BR, 1BA,
1536 gross living area, ap-
praised at $5000 above ask-
ing price. Call Jimmy at
xxx-xxx-xxxx

You eat with your eyes first. Phrasing, Jimmy. Phrasing.

Don't ask me about the mileage.

That's it! Great ride. Thanks for the company. Your breath smells like shrimp. What did you do in the bathroom?